If you operate on the premise that “if you’d only try harder, you can achieve perfection,” you are seriously misguided. I’m not intending to offend here – just wanting to keep you from exhausting yourself in a hopeless exercise. The State of Perfection is situated somewhere between Shangri-La and La-La Land; a place where absolutes of any kind belong, since they certainly don’t exist in real life.

Fact is, there is no such thing as a perfect body, a perfect relationship, or the perfect job. Bodies can’t be perfect – they age and respond to environmental conditions. Relationships can’t be perfect – they evolve, get messy, and go through rough patches Even the best careers have up and down cycles.

And if you’re still working on the delusion that you can become the perfect parent, for goodness sake, give up on it! I think that about the only thing that can be described as “perfect” is a moment – something lovely and ephemeral, that exists for a brief interval and then becomes a memory.

You just can’t argue with immutable laws…

There is a law of the mind that states, “the more you try to do something, the less you are able to do it.” Have you ever tried desperately to fall asleep at night, getting more and more anxious as you count down the few hours you have left to sleep? When you finally gave up, that’s when you probably fell asleep. Therefore, the act of “trying” to be perfect is a futile one, and destined to fail.

One of the laws of suggestion, known by any competent hypnotherapist, is “Avoid Perfectionism.” There are certain words in every language that carry a strong emotional charge – perfect is one of them (as is “try.”) When we hear or think “perfect” is starts a feedback loop in our heads, bringing back the introjected voices of our parents or caretakers, admonishing us to be good boys or girls. Or reminding us how we can never be quite good enough. Whenever you “hear” the voice in your own head urging you to work on being perfect, know that you are getting misinformation. It make just seem like linguistics to you, but you are bound to get much further by thinking in terms of achieving your “personal best” or “improving yourself day-by-day,” which don’t trigger the same negative reactions.

Desperate Appearances

In this information age we are constantly bombarded by images of what we should have, be doing, or look like in order to feel accepted by society’s expectations. Desperate Housewives, a show that debuted this fall on US television, portrays some very valuable lessons on the downfalls of putting on appearances. My TV writer husband and I consider this show to contain some of the cleverest writing that we’ve seen for several years on network TV.

At first I was a bit turned off by the summer previews, thinking, “oh this is just another show in which all of the actors are unrealistically gorgeous,” but I was pleasantly surprised at how well the myth of perfection is exposed. The housewives of Wisteria Lane may all have nice homes, attractive faces, slender and well-sculpted bodies – yet their lives are anything but perfect.

The more desperately these housewives try to keep up the appearances of being perfect, they more they get mired in a vicious cycle of treachery and intrigue.

And when you mix together those two volatile mental substances: TRY + PERFECT and you get some of the most potent WMD’s the world has ever known:

WEAPONS OF MENTAL DESPERATION!

Keeping up with the Joneses...

Wanting to conform to societal expectations is not always a bad thing. We are social beings and civilization began to progress with the advent of communities. The role we play within our community, requires us to take on a “persona” – a term coined by Carl Gustav Jung, the brilliant pioneer of depth psychology.

One of my favorite housewives on the show is Bree, who does everything she can to put on the appearance to her neighbors that her family is ideal. She is so unconscious of her inner psychological landscape and needs, that she can’t even articulate her problems to their marriage counselor. Her obsessive-compulsive behavior keeps her rooted in the illusion of a perfect life, and keeps her from delving into what really makes her unhappy and what could be messing up her “perfect” life.

The term persona derived from early drama, in which actors wore different masks to portray the roles they played on stage. Jung described the outward mask as the archetype, or universal symbol of conformity. As we hone our outer, social image we are rewarded with certain monetary advantages that allow us more freedoms for satisfying the inner psychological and spiritual aspects of self. The idea is to find a balance between all of our parts, but often the pressures of society to conform cause us to become excessively identified with the persona (like Bree!) This is what Jung termed “inflation” – a state I which the other parts of self become under-nourished and repressed.

Did Father Know Best?

I was raised in the suburbs in the 50’s, a period in American history that has been dubbed by economists as “la deuxieme belle époque.” (Translation: The 2^nd Beautiful Era, the first one being directly following World War I.) Following World War II, the US enjoyed a remarkable period of affluence and social mobility. Cookie-cutter communities, like Levittown, sprung up all around the country and everyone strived to keep up “normal” appearances. The persona became so glorified, to the point of denying the other vital archetypes positive expression. Keeping up a good appearance might get you up the corporate ladder, or your kids accepted into the best schools, but when the other aspects of self are ignored, mutinies can and do occur. There was a tremendous dark side to all of those perfect households in my time...

Next month we will explore a bit of our shadow sides.

In the meantime, no assignment this month other than – Delight and relax into these Holy-days, and honor the exquisite and evolving being that you are. Many blessings to you and wishes for a wonderful 2005.

Affirmation

I am working toward my personal best.

Monthly Inspiration - HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

"To celebrate these holidays is to do much more than buy presents, open them, cook dinner, show up for dinner, or make children happy. The joy is not just for children. It's for each and every one of us, when we realize the internal dimensins of the great religious holidays. The gift that needs to be unwrapped is the holiday itself. And one need not be Christian to experience the glory of the Christ, or Buddhist to esperience the power of the sutras or Jewish to experience the comfort of God's promises. The mystic responds to universal spiritual themes, al echoing in a different way a unified message from God: The potential of a divinely epower consciousness lies in every one of us."

Marianne Williamson

Everyday Grace; Having Hope, Finding Forgiveness, and Making Miracles.